I would have had my rant done hours and hours ago, but my 5'2" neighbor had to show me up. He shot a bear today that was about 300lbs. Knowing that I am the unofficial local butcher, I was called upon to cape out his prize, then I spent the last 5 hours modifying stands and placing cameras on new trails(the ruts a comin') . That being said, I thought I would tell you a tale of youth and youthful endeavors.
It all started about early grade school age. My Dad walked us behind the house to an upstairs apartment in the building over the hill. He introduced us and I was pointed towards this orange haired kid and I'm thinking " I dont know this kid. I want to go home and play with MY toys, not his." He took me into his room and the most prevalent thing there was STAR WARS everything. At least that's what it seemed like. Anywhoo- we hit it off after that, but being kids, we had previous friends and engagements. We played from time to time and about late grade school or early junior high, we just sort of stuck together. Kinda like peahs and carrohts. We shared comics, food, music and laughs and then, THANK THE GODS, somebody invented NIGHT TRACKS. We spent just about every friday watching videos all night and eating pizza that we slopped together. And thusly, we grew. We went through music revolutions, cultural revolutions, a few girls and Prince and the Revolution. From high school we went to WVU together for a couple semesters and then we parted ways for a few years. In between all this, we had more than a few adventures.
I cant really remember our first big one, but I know an early one involved walking his paper route. We always had problems with this guys dog, yap, yap, yap. Nipping at the heels kind of hairball that you just wanted to stomp on, you know? One fine morning, he shows me this little spray bottle(pressurized) and says, "Maybe we'll try it out on that stupid dog." So we maced the little mongrel. No more yap. And thus grows the legend. We figured out around that time that we could A--get away with murder together and B--were much more effective as a pair.
One of our many friday night video marathons came and went and he says(the next day) should you call your Mom and let her know what's going on? So I do and as I'm talking on the phone, he decides it would be a good idea to light a firecracker and throw it in a pop bottle. Now think back to yesteryear, all you 40 somethings, pop bottles used to come in tall glass bottles. He throws a book on top of it and BLOWEEEE!!!! we have shrapnel and a very loud explosion confined to the kitchen. I yelled very loudly and my mother was freaking out wondering what was going on. I had to play it off like Dewey, I mean "he" was just scaring me, not detonating an I.E.D.
Some other weekend, we were in the woods igniting various explosive devices and decided to go back to his house and do something constructive. By constructive, I mean, we spent half the day reading books. Big whoop, right? I remember distinctly I was reading some of the Star Wars spin-off series--Splinter in the Mind's Eye. We happened to look out the window after, oh about 5 or 6 hours and I say" Wow, I wonder where all that smoke's coming from?" Then it hit us: it was coming from the same spot where we had been that morning blowing up crap. We made a mad dash to the dense, brushy, dry-leaf covered area(it was fall, after all) and spent the next hour stomping out flames. We probably should have let the hill burn. Could have taken out half of Kingwood, it might have been a good thing. After we were sure the fire was out, we promptly went back and finished reading. Weren't we responsible, after all? I dont mean for the fire, we put out the damned thing and nobody got hurt. Well, maybe some trees and small animals.
As we got to that magical age of HOLY SHIT WE'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL?!!!!, we graduated to more, shall we say, lofty endeavors? I remember teaming up with another party and painting Class of 87 on a youthful learnitorium that was visible from other, higher educational edifices. Across a football field. We teamed up with a couple more and began a summertime ritual of swimming for free in the middle of the night in a normally Pay-as-you-go concrete swimming hole. We helped ourselves to some snackage and believe it or not, my conscience got the better of me and I left money to cover said purloined perishables. Fear not, I believe the statute of limitations expires on a misdemeanor after 7 years.
I saw my first completely naked woman at a private pool in an apartment complex. To be fair, she was with somebody else, she was drunk and unfortunately, is now deeply involved in the school system. We swam in that one because it was warmer and better lit. We tried the river, but it just wasnt the same.
If you're wondering about the pee, I was saving it for last. On one of our various school trips, I couldnt tell you which one, they stopped the bus at a fast food place. More precisely, the Wendy's in Sabraton, as I recall. Big line, bunch of us had to go, we went in the 'ol pisser and locked the door. Now we notice that there is only a toilet in this fairly large crappier' (french pronunciation? crappeeeyayyy) so I said" I gotta go, you can stand on that side or wait" He proceeds to whip it out and pee in the sink. Now I couldnt wash my hands, not that we gave a damn about that back then anyway. I did run some water in the sink, just cause I felt a little bad. Oh yeah, remember that piece o' crap car that Kurilko had? About half the football team used to pee in the tank to make sure it was always filled up for him. He probably wondered why it sputtered when it ran.
We had many, many other instances and I will release one from time to time, but after all, our adventures were ours. They were what made us, us. I'm not afraid they will degrade us or remove part of what we are, but some things you should just save for yourself. You wonder what makes a friend a friend. Sometimes it's listening, sometimes its partying, sometimes it's surviving exploits and not going to jail or the morgue. We figured out what we liked, who we wanted to be and why Prince really pushed the sex thing and the rippin' riffs. (He was short and we figured his wiener looked like a vienna sausage pickled in brine). We travelled to concerts, girlfriend rendevous and drive thru food holes on bicycles. (true, did happen, several of us, Hardees). We wouldnt be who we are or do what we still do if that didnt happen. I know divergent paths can cause different outcomes. If I had never gone back to that little apartment, if he hadnt discovered Night Tracks. If our parents hadnt know each other from years before. If, if if. But it did happen. We had enough adventures for a lifetime before we were 20. We never had to drink to do it and we never hurt anyone. We did leave a small wake of destruction but in our way, we atoned for it.
So here's to the burning streak on the steep road, bottle rockets from a car fender and how long crap will take to hit the water from the middle of Caddell Bridge(and there was a lot of it). Here's to the MOOO-OOWWWW, Rolling Stone and Columbia House Records. I will lift a glass for him, as he doesnt consume alcohol and I will pay homage to the Playboy T.V. watched thru the neighbor's window. Thank God for leggings and 80's hair. Praise be to the makers of Chef Boy ar Dee pizza and the guy that invented cassette tapes. (mixed of course) One last thing, if you see DEWEY MOORE, tell him I said "Hi"......
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