34 Fear and Loathing in Kingwood, WV

Let's begin by saying that the addage"Confession is good for the soul" is not always true. Sometimes you should keep things to yourself: "Honey, I forgot to tell you that I paid that hooker last week and didnt write down the withdrawal in the check register" or " Oh yeah, I broke your Mom's antique sugar bowl". (always good to blame the dog) You should pick your moments to confess your deep, dark secrets and, of course, some are better left unspoken. Saying what's on your mind may not always serve any purpose other than causing you more stress and aggravation on top of what you had in mind to free yourself of to begin with.
Now, we come to the confession part. We all have our demons and in the end, those around you judge you by how you present yourself while dealing with them. You have friends that are always angry, right? Why? Did they have a bad childhood? Bad marriage? What? Personally, I think I had a pretty good childhood. Oh, I had relatives that made me cringe inwardly when I had to deal with them and there were a few that I could have strangled as soon as look at, but for the most part, I led an adventurous, informative, loving existence. I have tried to live by the other addage"Laugh and the world laughs with you" (my favorite). But I do get really grouchy from time to time. Ask Roz, she's got a list. I can be a bear when I'm tired, when I'm over-worked and stressed or when I've been thinking too much and my mind is going 90 miles per hour. The point? I try to joke it away and sometimes it just doesnt work. I think that you live by your demons. I say demons to mean your past experiences that you have shaped and are shaping your life by.
If that guy at work had a bad childhood(abuse, neglect, spoiled, etc) you and I can probably tell by what he does and the way he acts: berates people and picks arguments/fights or he's lazy or he is constantly telling you how you should do something or constantly moaning about how everyone else is messed up in the head and that if the world was more like him it would be a better place. What about the woman that keeps getting in bad relationships and it's always the guy's fault when it fails? No, I'm not Sigmund Freud, I'm just saying that maybe a poor relationship with her male role model or father figure(or maybe it was too perfect) and now she attributes any perceived faults to the guy and then her mind enhances them until they seem insermountable. These are but brief examples and I hope I'm getting my point across. Maybe you dont feel good enough about your weight or your job or your marriage, kids, lifestyle, friends--whatever. You take your feelings and twist them, once is all it takes, and you begin living your life by that limitation. Say you dont like your weight. "Sally-Sue is a size 4 and she gets all the attention" You tell yourself that you're not good enough to date so-and-so or you wont wear certain clothes because you're "too fat". (some clothes are not meant to be worn by fat people, men or women, but that's another rant). Then it becomes a downward spiralling mess. Your job work suffers because your mind snaps at every slinky blonde in the room, your personal life suffers because you assume that everybody is as shallow as you are and will not like you because of your size. Your family suffers (assuming your not previously mentioned as single) because you grouse at them about anything that catches your eye and consciously or unconsciously you want them to suffer too.
This brings me to accountability. The things I have just mentioned all derive from the first time that someone said" you're ugly" or " you're fat" or "why are you so stupid?" or whatever it is that is in the back of your head and you wont tell anybody else about. You guard that moment because it embarassed you and angered you and confused you. The whole solution, that I can see, is to deal with these issues. We are all basically lazy and we also do not like to go against social norms. We are not supposed to think that someone is worse or less than us because of some perceived detriment, but we do. We also do not overcome these harbored feelings because to do so might draw unwanted attention to our shortcomings. AAhhhhh, there it is. I have a spare tire, I could name about 20 people that I could put in a hole and bury, there are about an infinite number of things I would change with the world, but do I do it? No. I dont excercise enough(my fault, lazy), the people I would be rid of I allow to continue breathing because I dont feel like going to jail for doing the world a favor and I have not elevated myself to a social or political status high enough to bring about any real, lasting change. We all do it. We are all lazy in some aspect. We could change ourselves for the better, but we dont because we are too lazy, proud, whatever. You can help yourself. Bad relationship? Dont blame the world, yourself or him/her, just deal with either amending it or getting over it. Dont like your body? Either change it or accept it. Some people will never be skinny(stereotypical kind, not "normal body size") so deal with it, be who you are and let your light shine. People that are like you will respond to it. You can also get off your fat rear and do something about it. As soon as my current bout of this flu is over, Roz and I are getting back on our workout schedule. Yes, we workout together. It gives her a confidence boost and I get to watch her ass jiggle as we workout. :) I hope you take away something that will help you deal with whatever problem you have right now and maybe make how you see your life better. On second thought, the hell with the flu, I want to watch it wiggle, see it jiggle......now. LOL