I was going to write about a happy thing today, but as I sit here watching a movie with the family, I just cant do it. As if watching Jennifer Anniston isnt enough, I just heard her say" Goodbye clearance puppy." sniff. tear. I cant take it. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I have choked them back. My dog Katie is swirling around my feet as Marley comes to an end and all she wants is to play. Most of you are pet owners and you will know what I'm talking about. We have had pets in the past but most of the time, they werent that close to us. I want to tell you about one that is.
First, there was a dog a while back, her name was Bitsy. Our neighbor found her along the road with a dead puppy by her side. She was a wonderful little cocker spaniel, quite gentle and very personable. She was severely malnourished and needing a bath and a comb. Roz took her, nursed her back to health and we had a fast friend in the family. She wasnt with us long, one day as it was snowing, she started bleeding severly and was soon gone. I buried her in a field not far from the house. We were very sad and it just didnt seem right to get another pet right away, so it was a few years until we tried again.
We had a lab/pit bull mix that we rescued from the pound and he seemed okay, if a bit unruly, but as he grew he became more and more violent. No training methods seemed to work. Judge me as you will, we had to take him back to the pound. My last straw was him snapping at us as we walked by. I will not have a violent dog around me or my family. We tried to train him and it just didnt work. Just like people, animals sometimes have a bad personality.
After a couple years, we decided to try one more time. We did a bit of research and figured out that we would like some kind of dog in the beagle family. Roz and the kids came home one day and said that Kim Thorn had some puppies ready and "oooohhh, we just have to get one!" So, it came to pass that we owned a bassett hound. At the time, we had our own business, so while Roz and the kids were gone during the day, it fell to me to watch our new baby. She went with me to the office and just about every other place too. As she grew we (meaning moi) taught her some tricks and after what seemed an eternity, house trained her. She has got to be the most personable dog I've ever met. She is not violent at all, she would lick you to death maybe, but she's never so much as snapped at anyone. She does bark like crazy when someone new comes to the house, but she doesnt mean anything by it. She's cute and she knows it, she's always hungry and she really doesnt do anything bad, except maybe staring at us with the sad, bassett eyes while we eat. Those sad eyes and floppy countenance has gotten her mucho table scraps. She responds to normal conversation and often, she seems like she thinks she's people.
Back to the movie, if you've watched it, you'll know why I'm sad. Katie is an inside dog, she pretty much does as she pleases. She truly is one of the family. At about 4 years old, she's still quite young, but in the back of my head, I know that she will not outlive our household. Her fat, sleek, shiny body click, click, clicks through the house, letting us know she's busy. Otherwise, she's usually curled up on one of the couches or in front of the fireplace. Some day all too soon, she will begin to slow down. She wont jump and play chase(big house). She wont want to fetch for what seems like forever. She wont go from person to person looking for any little crumb she can beg. Right now, she's whining because Roz and the kids aren't here. It's hard to explain, unless you have a pet you truly love and value as a part of your family. I know sometimes you have a pet for a purpose: a barn cat, a bird dog or even just a watch dog. A four-legged family member is different. So she balls up every rug she runs past, so what? Didnt the kids do worse when they were little? They may or may not have pooped in the floor on accident, but it probably wasnt as much. When she ages and grays and can no longer bounce and play like she so often does now, and the end is near, I wonder how I will react? I know how I'll feel. Just like I do right now. I feel sad, teary and I have this weird since of nostalgia. I dont know if she can ever be replaced, but this holiday season, we are getting a second bassett. You know, because we dont have enough to do. Seriously, I look forward to it with a lot of fascination and wonder and also a little fear. I know she gets along with other dogs, so that wont be a problem. In fact, it should be quite fun to watch 2 fat, short legged clowns tear up the house. The deep, baritone barking should be quite pleasant in stereo and God knows what the furniture will look like. They really are quite endearing, but, again, I dread the day that Katie is no longer with us.
She has become a part of me and my family and when she leaves us, she will take a part of us as well. I dont wonder if animals have feelings, she has proven to us that at least some of them do. She has moods, the same as a human and you can always tell when she's feeling guilty or happy or sad. I really do love her, the same as a family member, because, well...she is family. That damned movie made me tear up and I still have a lump in my throat. I feel a feeling right now, that I havent felt since I was a small child: I remember thinking that everyone lived forever and I didnt want anybody to die. I wasnt sure what "dead" meant. I couldnt see them anymore? They were right there. Someday seemed so far away and once you have tasted the bitterness of death from a love that's lost, you grow a little inside and yet you die a little as well. For this reason, I will love and care for her just like the rest of my family and I will not think of this again for quite a while. I will not watch Marley and Me ever again, I dont think I can.
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