46 Union of Social Surfing Matriarchs

Have you done the laundry today? Why would you want to do that? They dont pick up their dirty laundry, they dont put the clothes away and when was the last time they opened the washer? The clean folded clothes in this picture have been at the foot of my oldest's bed for a week . The dryer, maybe, since they were probably looking for some article of clothing that was important to THEM. Roz and I do the laundry as needed and witchever one of us has the time. In the last week I have done 9 loads, washed and dried. Roz folded a mountain of them and I sat them in front of bedroom doors. They either get shoved out of the way, or stepped over, if it's not too tall. I might as well be talking to the wall asking them to put them in or near the hamper. Many times, they get tossed in front of the bathroom door and occasionally when they walk in the door from school or wherever, it gets dropped where they take it off.

We are still building this house, and we have never had, nor do we expect to have, a show home, but--I just cannot seem to get them to differentiate between a house that is "lived in" and a sty. When they get out on their own, they can live as they will. What to do now? Quit washing their clothes? Roz and I average 1 basket for every 3 of theirs.

Dishes? Same goes for them, too. That is, after you take a wheelbarrow around the house looking for the dirty ones. We are not traditional by any means, we frequently eat at the computer desk or in the living room. How hard is it to take your damned dishes to the sink at least when you get up to get a drink? We take turns washing them, if you want to consider it washing. We have a dishwasher for crying out loud. It was to make life easier, but it seems that only half of us know how to operate it. You have to stand over them with a whip and chair to get them to unload it and god forbid you ask them to load the thing: " ugh, ewww, I'm not touching those nasty dishes!" My reasoning is: you ate off of them, you can touch them long enough to load it. You ARE at the sink, after all, you can wash your hands when you're done. What the hell would they do if they had to change a poopy diaper? I can hear the gagging now. Why they have gone this route, is a mystery to me. They used to help, but it seems that when puberty kicked into full gear, they forgot all chores and how to do them.

I have seen a lot of husbands that work a 40 or more hour week with a wife that works. They both come home, hubby plants his ass in a chair or out in the garage/building and wifey gets to do the housework and take care of the kids. It was always a pet peeve of mine, but I never say anything. How would that look? One of their own, chastising the dominant male of the pride and speaking of lowly housework. I have taken pride in being able to help out when I can, especially when we hear a wife complaining about hubby putting it all on her. I may not do it all, every time, but I know Roz gets stressed out dealing with the public and if I can do a load of clothes, dishes and maybe supper a few times a week, what's the big deal?

I am not patting myself on the back, I'm just giving my end of it. I see many posts on facebook about how tired and stressed the primary homemaker is. Many, many guys were brought up with Mom at home, doing everything that Moms do. Dad goes to work, Mom works at home. I know some of you still have that traditional role, but more often than not, both parents/spouses work now and a good percentage of them still put it all on the wife.

I am here to celebrate those of you with the patience and stoicism to do both jobs and not use a tack hammer on your spouse in the middle of the night. I bet that there are more guys now helping out than there used to be, but the percentage is still low. I cant really tell you how to get more help out of your spouse or significant other, but I do know that if NOTHING gets done, someone will wonder why, eventually. I am seriously considering shoveling all their dirty clothes into their rooms and telling them to wear them until they fall off or wash them theirselves. We may have to quit cooking for a while or maybe I'll just nail the cabinets together until they get tired of eating out of a can with their fingers. Then again, that will prep them for the post-apocalypse of 2012, but that's another rant.

Lastly, let's talk garbage. We have a huge old 25 gallon crock with the old wooden lid we use as a garbage can. I can take out the bag, tie it, put a new one in, set the bag in front of the door and they will, surprise,surprise, walk over or around it. They will occasionally set it outside around the corner(in one of the cans). Monday mornings, I carry the cans down for the garbage dudes and as of this post, I can still see the cans down by the road. They come home from school, park across the road and walk right past them, content in their ignorance of the cans' existence. Again, I may quit taking out the garbage. Just let it pile up. We have a huge common area(its almost 1000 square feet) so it will take a while to fill up. My guess is they will kick a path through the house or figure out how to get out of a window.

I have mentioned to Roz many times that we should cut off the cable, the phones and the internet, but I would go through the D.T.'s . I dvr a bunch of shows and I gots to have me some internets, the phones...ehhh, I could live without them. So where does that leave us? My boys really are good kids. They used to help and loved doing it. They were glad just to participate and be around us. As they got older, and obviously richer( they do have built-in maid service apparently) they just act like they dont have time, they cant be bothered with something so trivial. One of them actually told Roz once " It's not MY job, it's yours." He has lost his way. I will be the King Henry to his church. The reformation is about to begin. I will talk to Roz after she reads this and we will see how much of their work we will continue to do. Maybe it will be based on how much they are willing to help again. Cant carry your clothes in daily and put them in the hamper? Dont expect them to be washed. Dont carry your dishes out? Fine, I'm fixing dinner for 2. Cant help with the garbage? Maybe we'll store it in your room until you can.

The worst part of this is that we shouldnt have to ask. Some of this should just be second nature by now. Dont get me wrong, they are still pretty good kids. They are mostly respectful(2 teenage boys/hormones/ girls/ need more?) and they do on a rare occasion, lift a hand to help. Sometimes they fix supper and the youngest likes to use the weedeater(go figure). We just get frustrated trying to ask them time and time again to help with the little things.

Well, there it is. I gave you our experience because I got a feeling from your posts that it is not exclusive to us. More importantly, I gathered that some of you are as frustrated as us. Maybe not the same tasks or manner, but I'd wager you have a lack of help at home too. Short of going on a full-out strike, I suppose the most we can hope for is that when the kids grow up, they will realize how many little tasks there are in keeping house and home and as husbands and wives, they will realize the importance of sharing the load. When you're young, a lot of things are taken for granted, your caregivers wanted to do these things for you. You have your own problems and agendas as you get older and closer to leaving the nest and you stray from your duties. Parents take up the slack out of love and politeness. When it gets to be too much with work and other parental duties, we need to remind one another of the things it takes to make a home run. That goes for slacker spouses too. The job gets stressful and the last thing they want to hear when they get home is someone telling them to wash clothes or scrub the toilet. If you are truly, happily married, you should be able to talk about it without yelling, without arguing. "I need help" should be uttered verbally, not when it's too late and you feel like drinking or strangling.

There is a bright side. If you get to the point that you are going to quit doing it all, you shouldnt have to worry about too many visitors and no self-respecting bill collector or salesman is going to wade through the mountains of trash and dirty aeropostale to get to your door. You could even take up a new hobby: buy a b.b. gun and start shooting the rats that are sure to show up. Me? I think I'm going to try assigning chores again. After school work and/or activities will be no excuse. Until they go to college, marriage or prison, they can help out. I must go now, the dryer just beeped....