113 Call, And I'll r

112 Pink Panties

A loooooong time ago, I figured out that life was much more interesting if I wasnt afraid to take chances. Not life-threatening chances, mind you.(not always, anyway) I was the kid who would do something just to see if you could do it and get away with it. I was just more subtle about some things. Aaaah, the art of deception through telling the truth. Sound complicated? Not really.

I could come home muddy, watch Mom getting mad and deflect it by telling the truth. So-and-so was riding in front of me, ran through the mud and I couldnt stop in time, so I went right on through it. It was fun, so we did it a couple more times. Still mad, but not as much. It was much better than saying "i dunno..." or " they pushed me into it". Not that you dont ever get in trouble, but no one gets away with everything.

Not to say that I, or any of you, should condone lying, quite the contrary. Lying only digs you a deeper hole. It promotes more lying and often ends badly. I just happened to find that the truth, while sometimes painful, almost always results in less punishment and quicker understanding from most people. Of course, some people are just meant to be lied to because, frankly, they're just too stupid to understand or believe the truth.

All this brings me to the point I'm at now: enough experience from doing crazy, wonderful, wild, stupid things to tell the kids not to, but I'm still likely to do them myself. Oh, I know enough not to jump off the roof with a sheet to see if I can float down, but I'm still liable to jack someone's car up, put it on blocks an inch or so off the ground and watch them wonder why the car wont move. Yes, I've done that one. A couple times. I've been known to go booney bashin' in the wife's SUV. What? I'm the one who has to fix it. I've had occasion to be out skinny dippin in places I shouldnt a' been, snuck into places I shouldnt have just to see if I could and I still occasionally like to play roadsign bingo, just to name a few.

When I got out of the Army, our families took us out to eat. As the waitress was checking on all of us mid-meal, I blurted out " I was just making a bet that you have pink underwear on." Now, I hadnt discussed this prior to her coming over and actually had just thought of it. Without missing a beat, she pulls her underwear out and says "Yep, with little blue flowers on it!". Of course, we had a good laugh and I was reminded that I'm not the only nut out there.

I've rarely been afraid to say anything to anyone, the exception being when I realize that they are either a HUUUUGE pain in the ass or too stupid to respond without explaining the meaning of the word "the". Even so, I've spoken my mind to some of these people too. You'd really be surprised how people respond when you speak some truth coupled with a modicum of tact. To quote a great line from a movie: I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. LOL

Risk taking, truth speaking and having fun with life in general may not have made me the richest or the most well-liked, but it HAS made me happy with life in general and opened my eyes to what I consider MY personal truth: The journey is more important in some ways than the destination. If you harm no one and you learned something, good or bad, then it was worth it. I think I've passed enough of that on to my boys that they will learn, in their own time, to enjoy what they have and make the most out of life. The most, meaning what you enjoy and things that you are afraid to approach, but do anyway. There is nothing that cannot be overcome if approach it, learn and adapt yourself to the solution.

Dont be afraid to hug people, dont be afraid to eat something new(except lima beans, ugh, hate 'em) and dont sweat the small stuff. I suppose in theory, I'm probably shortening my lifespan, but I dont care. If I die tomorrow, I'm glad I sprayed WD40 in a muffler and lit it. BOOOM. I'm glad I got drunk (military) and let my wife and her friend put makeup on me. I'm glad I let the boys sit between my knees and shoot charcoal briquettes off the back porch rail when they were small. I'm glad I jumped off the frame holding the fuel oil tanks at my Grandma's onto the back of a not-so-happy steer. For the record: I have stitches, hospital bills and broken furniture that will say that some things probably shouldnt have been attempted, but I have many friends, from many places that will say "That crazy red-headed guy was nice to me. He was a good guy. Crazy, but alright." More importantly, we have friends that will say that we have kids that were friendly, adventurous and still had some manners and, more importantly, morals.

I've seen many of our friends and acquaintances leading a good life, having fun on occasion, but always the same thing. No, it's not always bad, but if I were to leave ANY kind of legacy it is to not let life pass you by without grabbing it's ass, or at the very least: ask it if it's wearing pink underwear. Have a great weekend, I've got to go check my corn liquor. :)

111 Bleed it Out

Today I find myself (as usual) reminiscing. I remember the sense of well-being as a child and as a teenager. Not just the parents-are-footing-the-bill-for-most-stuff kind of well-being, but the overall sense that you have in the back of your head at any given time. What I mean is: the feeling that you have about the life around you, not just your home and family. The feeling that was even there when I was 5 and I knew I had an uncle in Viet Nam a couple years before, or that was there when I heard about the Challenger accident. Reagan's attempted assassination, the 70's oil shortage, "no new taxes", bell bottoms, disco and Flock-of-seagulls hair...none of them shook the overall feeling that most of us had of wellness.

Reagan's trillion dollar deficit(did you forget about that?)couldn't knock it, Kinney Shoe closing down didnt do it, inflation, deflation, Nixon's impeachment, Nixon taking us off the gold standard, Beirut, the Falklands, Grenada, the Cold War, the fall of the Soviet Union--none of it took away from the overall pride and self-righteous, smug satisfaction that we had all come to know and love. Yuppies bought and sold the foundation of America and still we shined. Industry gave way to technology in the 80's and 90's and still we shined. In fact, we thought we were superior to the world(except for those damned math-oriented orientals). Bill Clinton's exploits were offset by the BALANCED BUDGET. The whole way through the 90's and into the new millenium we still felt the wealth, power and satisfaction that came to be associated with what has become the United States of Sending Our Money Overseas to Foreign Workers Who Will Perform Our Jobs For Less. Oops. There it is. We greedied our way right into sending the rest of our money over "there". We have become a service-based economy, sending an almost un-countable fortune just to other, oil-producing countries who yet despise us for our freedom. We send vast wealth to hated lands to produce goods that are inferior because we dont want to pay for them at a fair rate(and you cant get the average schmo to work in a pie factory).

Our sense of pride kicked in for about three seconds during the trade center attacks and now, the worst ecological disaster in the history of man has prompted little more from general America than a grunt from being kicked by a baby chick. We look at the news and say how awful it is while people's livelihoods are being destroyed. Embattled Gulf'ers are now staring down the barrel of a very large gun. It is loaded with black, gooey death and nature is preparing to drop the hammer. The coming hurricane season is about to show you what happens when millions of gallons of crude are picked up and thinned out in the atmosphere. It has been known to rain a bit of, oh I dont know...benzyne, or worse, a vast sheen of oil on everything for a thousand miles.

You think it wont affect us here? I beg to differ. More federal dollars that ARENT going to 2 useless wars, bailouts for billionaires, bailouts for banks and companies that should have failed(if they had solid foundations they wouldnt have needed the money), will be diverted for cleanup. Yes, they will. Dont believe the bullcrap you're hearing about making BP pay for their mess. It's our mess too. We greedily suck oil without a thought until it creeps up to a price we think we cant, in good conscience, pay. Not long ago it went from a dollar something something to almost four dollars and boy, we were ready to trample the world and crack it in half to fuel our desire for "cheap" oil. We are now facing a disaster of unprecedented proportions and it is NOT, I repeat, NOT BP's fault. It's yours and mine. We own every dead bird, every idled fishing vessel, every inch of tourist-barren shoreline that wont see dollars for years to come. We demanded oil "NOW", like a petulant child, and we didnt care where it came from. Those of you who are smug enough to think you had no part in this are the worst, aside from the profiteers in the idiotic game of Wall Street. You are what's wrong with the country. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, but dont ask me for any help, and it's not my problem when you have one."

Facebook friend John Fitchett has spent time helping, NOT being part of the problem. He has weathered both natural and man-made storms around the Big Easy. He is there, right now, washing animals that WE caused harm to . He is treading hellish, gob-covered, filth-soaked beaches that WE caused to be destroyed. He could have turned a blind eye and said "I dont have a car. It's not MY fault.", and yet, he spent his time away from work cleaning up our mess.

There's no reason for us to fly down or drive down to the Gulf to help. It could be as simple as BELIEVING that there are alternatives that can be incorporated to eventually replace that hated medium. We can cut back(yeah, right. you'll really cut back on driving to walmart/starbucks/rue21) and decrease our insatiable demand. We can encourage each other and our kids to WORK and earn a dollar. Not be afraid of it. We can buy things that are made here, in the U.S. We can say Damn the feelings of the other countries and the policy that thinks we should send them dollars, denim jeans and democracy. We do NOT have to worry about EVERYONE'S welfare. Charity begins at home, remember? We should put real effort into saving our way of life, our REAL way of life, before it's too late. Get rid of your notions of isolated non-responsibility.

Brace yourselves, I think a storm is coming. Black rain will fall. It will coat you, your family, everything you have known. Our walls will crumble and fall and who will be there to pick up the pieces? You? The idiots we've elected that scramble to garner all they can for themselves? The rich that would stand on your corpse to reach the next higher apple on the tree? Or will it be you? Climbing down off your high horse to make an effort, to build some sweat equity in a country that was built on sweat equity. We are the laziest super power on the face of the planet. We dont have to be. At least, we dont have to wait until our oil-soaked corpses are piled up high enough to stop the flood of seemingly endless oil that is bubbling up in the once-beautiful waters that sustain so much life.

Oh, and for the love of all that we hold dear, will somebody take charge and show these people that there HAS to be a way, an AMERICAN way, to stop the flow from a 2 foot pipe a mile under water. America is bleeding folks. When the host dies, the only thing that is usually left are parasites and they quickly leave to find another host. I want to believe that wellness will be felt by the next generation and the ones after that. I want to believe that I will feel it again in my lifetime. Is the damage that is being wrought really worth what we are gaining? Reap as you sow. Honor the memory of the countless dead that made our country what it was and what it could and should be again. We are a bastion of hope for countless oppressed people. Do you really think your Aeropostale and Jimmy Choo's are worth our fore-fathers' suffering?

Blood for oil is taking on a solid meaning along the shores of the Gulf. Our boys' blood thousands of miles from here, the blood that lives in the souls of millions that call the Delta home. How far into the heartland will it have to reach before it makes you bleed? Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Goodnight all.

110 Sam I Am

Apparently, I qualify as what our parents used to call a "late bloomer". Well, it depends on what aspect you look at. I got married fairly young, but we waited several years to have kids. We've bought a few houses over the years, but now we have one that we built and it's almost paid for. I resisted cell phones and most higher technology until about 2 years ago. I never really formed a coherent thought until I got on facebook. LOL. Lastly, as I have a class that starts tomorrow morning, it only took me 22 years to finish going back to school and (hopefully) earn some credentials.

A few days ago, Brian Bailey posted a video clip from a teacher begging the question "Who Am I?". I watched it a couple times and it got me thinking: Just who the hell AM I? So, here I go:

I am a husband and father. I am a teacher and a student. I am an outdoorsman and a couch potato. I'm a guy who can watch movies as long as they involve comedy, sex, cars and/or violence. I'm a guy who likes hash and eggs but not lima beans or raw tomatoes, unless thinly sliced on a good sammich. I'm a gun-nut and a seeker of peace. I like cars but only if they're older than me. I like to read, but hate to read instructions. I love to play video games, read comic books and color with crayons. I like squirrels but I hate rats.(field mice are okay) I like the smell of fresh-cut grass but hate cutting it. I like to build things, but I also like to tear things apart.(one of my favorites is breaking glass, there's just something satisfying about smashing glass) I'm a guy who loves snow for deer season, but hates it the rest of the time. I like rain and a good storm...a lot. I like old barns, abandoned houses and eclectic people. I like music, but my tastes change like people change socks. I'm a guy who gets embarassed easily about some things, but not when I FEEL like embarassing myself. I'm a guy who believes in telling the truth even if it hurts, the exception being when dealing with unstable people, the government and family. Ha. I like the idea of cities, but hate being in or driving in them. I love to drive by the way. I love life, but I'm not afraid of death, I've seen a lot of both. I love football, some baseball, a little hockey and women's beach volleyball. I'm the guy who read Green Eggs and Ham, over and over, faster and faster,like a maniac, so the kids would keep laughing. I like the smell of canned dog food and yes, I've tasted it. I like colors in nature, like the sky or a scenic view, but clothes, house paint and fung shui(?) crap are lost on me as I'm really badly red-green color blind. I am a dog person and believe that cats are only good for target practice. I like fans blowing but dislike air conditioning. I like black and white movies, war movies and cartoons but dislike most chick flicks and anything with Miley Cyrus. I like playing with fire and I like watching a good fireplace. Above all, I like how Roz and I have raised our kids and I've enjoyed watching them grow up. I'm the guy who feels like a bank, a janitor, a short order chef, a mechanic, a counsellor, a dictator and a mediator.

After all this, and trust me, this is the short list, I've finally realized that I'm a happy dude. What makes me happy? All of the above and more. I conceitedly look at a lot of people and think that they are empty shells, doing the same thing day after day and only looking forward to a few moments of pleasure doing "their thing" on the weekends. No, there's nothing wrong with that, some would call it stable. I've done so many crazy things because I wanted more out of life because it could end at any moment, but I've also tried to leave something lasting, at least in the kids.

I am your friend, your husband, your brother, your boss, your follower and your listener. I am a hand-lender, a shoulder to lean on and (I hope) an inspiration for some. I am a comedian, a critic, a risk taker, a procrastinator and (again, I hope) an all-around good guy. I am Scott DeWitt.