101 Boys

Fact. We are all born of woman. Fact. We (heteros) spend the rest of our lives seeking women. Fact. We will spend the majority of that time aggravating said women. These are the basic truths of man, as I see them.

We grow up(most of us) and never really understand that which is female. Nor do most of us care. I'm not being chauvanistic or callous, it's just the way things are. Some men find women that they are happy with, are comfortable with and love and they marry them. But let's back up: When we were children, we played boy games, with boy toys(no pun intended)and we practice whatever local arts we grew up around, i.e.-hunting, fishing, trucking, farming,etc. Those that didnt grow up in rural Appalachia practice things city: business, public transportation, insurance salesmen, strip malls and the like.

We spend our youth playing towards some sort of dominance, whatever the field or ambition. Our knowledge of female anatomy and mindset is limited to family, a few schoolmates and the occasional skin magazine. So, unless the rare, insightful male finds the right forthcoming, enlightened female and gleans the knowledge from her, we basically live in ignorance of womens feelings for most of our lives. That is, until they are pissed enough that we have to suck up and placate them. After all, unless you want to get divorced(assuming we're talking about married couples), you have to make them think they're loved/taken care of/special/empowered/needed/a good wife-mother/loved/sexy/attractive/talented/great cook/loved/queen of the house and the world.

Teenage boys, pre-teens, adults, it makes no never-mind. We are all guilty of female-ignorance. Some have the knowledge, but they often ignore it, usually at their own expense, after, of-course, the womans feelings have already been compromised. I'm telling the truth: this rant was just interrupted because I hinted that (after she cleaned my side of the closet, organizing my clothes) Roz had clothes that SHE didnt need. I will NOT be drawn into that mess. I built a closet big enough to park a volkswagen in so we didnt have to get rid of stuff. Leave my shirt from 1992 alone. Nuff said.

As dating goes, we woo, get used to you and then slack off. Women of course, dont want you to slack off. Ever. You're supposed to be on your game at all times. We, of course, arent. Guys just want the goal-now that we have you, it should all be hunky dory. Women want it all and they want it all the time. We just want to watch March Madness, or pre-season football, or movies with boobs, eat wings and NOT have to think about who's leaving Grey's. (Heigl, for those of you that dont know).

It's hard to be on our game all the time. Think about lions. Female goes out, kills something, the male eats his fill and then the rest of the pride gets theirs. He goes back, lays in the shade and protects the females and cubs. His job is done. She cleans up, raises the cubs and sweeps and mops the savannah after she comes home. We dont want to be much different. It's just nature. Women's minds have evolved planning on how to get, keep and maintain their pride, men's minds look for the easiest way to get a female and keep her around so he can eat his wings, look at other females and daydream about not working but getting paid for it.

Let's talk about one of those last little bits a little more. We WILL look at other women. Just because you have some self-perceived flaw, our looking at other women will not cause us to stray(most of us) and we do not hold you to that standard. I personally find the stick figure, tic-tac eating bitches in magazine(the glossy kind that are all ads) to be in the least bit attractive. J-Lo asses and a little curve is waaayyyyy better than a girl that could fall through the cracks in a weathered back deck, so dont attribute your self-inflicted sort of flaws to us looking at a 25 year old with a pert rack and nice teeth. Just because we look doesnt mean we're wanting to go find her and bring her into the fold...or does it?

That is left for fantasy. Most guys have down and dirty, unrealistic fantasies. We just dont always voice them and if we do, you are sure to have a fit. "Oh woe is me! I'm not good enough for you!" and then it turns to anger. This much most of us figure out after the courting period is over. Guys: You have to pick your battles. Either keep your trap shut and your fantasies to yourself, or find a woman that is into them. Before you get married, dumbass. Women: we will fantasize whether you like it or not. When you close your eyes, you can conjure up anyone or anything you want. Well, most of us can. Anywhoo-I will never understand how you can be mad at us if we even THINK of another girl. Thinking and acting are two different things. Yes, some men are dogs and will act on their thoughts. The majority of us are loyal even if we are not on our game 24/7.

So, if you played with a Barbie or grew up with all sisters, I wish you the best. You probably have a little more insight in the female psyche than the rest of us. If you neither know nor care about female disposition, I feel for you. You will lead a rough life. But then, dont we all? Guys just dont WANT to be on all the time. Yes, we want you. No, we're not plotting how to cheat or neglect you. Personally, I want to go back to playing with my Tonka trucks and playing guns with the neighborhood boys. Wait...I have a license, real guns, a big 4x4 and I'm over 21. Oh, and a wife. Love you Honey! Gotta bounce: Duke's losing to Baylor at the half. Go EERS !!!!!