89 Apologies

The continual snow storms, drifts, shovelling, slick roads and cold weather have had me feeling more melancholy than usual. I sat here this morning feeling like I should apologize to Roz and the kids for being so grouchy, and then it occured to me: Why not apologize for everything I could think of?

To start, I would like to apologize for being somewhat of a facebook snob. I know sometimes I dont fertilize your crops very often of farmville and I dont always respond to things you guys post. I havent posted much in the way of rants lately because I've been EXTREMELY busy. Now, that I have that out of the way, let's get down to brass tacks:

I would like to apologize to the chicken I shot with my b.b. gun when I was 4 or 5. I would like to apologize to Mark Karcher for teasing him about being fat when I was about 5 or6. I would like to apologize to Eric Miller for teasing him about his glasses. It seems I now have glasses(contacts) and a spare tire. Hmm.

I would like to apologize to old Mr. Bowermaster for kicking his dog in the teeth, even though it tried to bite me. I would like to apologize to my first few dozen goldfish for killing them. I would like to apologize to Angie DeWitt for blowing up her bag of chips in 2nd grade. (you know- squeezed it til it popped?) I would like to apologize to Dawn Bishop and Jennifer Cullison for spitting a stream of obscenities at them in grade school for taking my hat. It was the first time I'd remembered cussing and I just couldnt stop. I would like to apologize to Chris Colvin for kicking him in the nuts and trying to strangle him(separate occasions). I would like to apologize to anyone I teased growing up(in a mean way) because frankly, you probably didnt need it or deserve it. I would like to apologize to Jennifer Cullison again for being such an ass at times and driving a wedge between us. In a related note, I would like to apologize to my Dad for tearing the transmission out of the truck on prom night and Mom for lying about denting it.

I would like to apologize to Mrs. Loughry(neighbor way-back when, not Jen L.) for staring at her boobs when she sunbathed. (top fell off, oops) I would like to apologize to the cat that Dewey and I put in a Dominion Post bag and swung in circles. I would like to apolgize to the hundred or so salamanders, birds and anything else that got in the way that I slaughtered with the previously mentioned b.b. gun. I would like to apologize to the old man and woman I met at a rest stop on the interstate 25 years ago, for not knowing why they had numbers tattooed on their forearms. That one still haunts me, almost every day. I think of them often, even though I only knew them for about 20 minutes.

I would like to apologize to any teacher I lied to about anything school related, I would also like to apologize for cheating. Trust me, I did it several times. I would like to apologize to Bev Foreman for lying about kissing her at a football game. I was in a full-leg cast, had to be the waterboy(make fun here) and lied because I thought she was hot. I would like to apologize to the future Mrs. DeWitt for destroying a school book and making her upset(Dewey helped). I would like to apologize to Mike and Dewey for not always being there when they needed me.

This brings me to about the end of high school. I would like to issue a general apology for not being a great friend when I should have been, only a good one. Oh, I would also like to apologize to Kim Casteel for staring at her ass every..single..chance...I...had.

I would like to apologize to the girl I met in college(cant remember her name)(yes, it was before Roz, no it's not what you think). She knows why. I would like to apologize to that guy in basic training for the blanket party we gave him. He was useless and a piece of crap, but he didnt deserve the beating he got. I would like to apologize to the guy we apartment sat for while we were in Germany. Yes, I'm the one who blew up your Nintendo. I plugged it into the 220 wall outlet without the adapter. I would like to apologize to the old German man that I asked if he was a Nazi. I hadnt learned the word for soldier yet. By the way--soldat. Again, I would like to apologize to any German or Frenchman that I met along the way and accidentally offended by my poor use of their languages.

I would like to apologize to the guy I never finished paying for the piece of junk truck he sold me(knowing that the rear-end and the four wheel drive were coming out). I would like to apologize to all the stray cats that Ihave used as target practice over the years. I would like to apologize to old man Summers for not collecting the charge accounts from dead beats that we allowed to happen. I would like to apologize to Gary Cale for making fun of him cross-dressing and being different. I would like to apologize for fudging my mileage to the IRS so my taxes would work out in my favor. I would like to apologize to my old and new friends for being distant sometimes.

I would like to apologize to all of you that I have ever slighted, ignored, teased, been jealous of, been angered by and then been snippy, made fun of because I felt down and needed a scapegoat, or that I have in any way made to feel "less".

I would like to apologize to my parents for lying about whatever it was at the time that got me out of trouble. I would like to apologize to any relatives that felt lessened or slighted by my actions. I would like to apologize to any woman that I have ever taken more than a glancing look at your boobs or your ass and then looked a couple more times. P.S.- if you dont want us looking, quit wearing low-cut shirts and tight pants. I would like to apologize to the Kingwood parks and recreation for all the times that we snuck over the fence to swim in the middle of the night. I would like to apologize to the person that lied and deceived me, almost at the expense of my marriage and family, for allowing them to continue and not telling them what they were doing to people, not just me.

I would like to apologize to Roz and the kids for every time I was short with them, lost my temper over something else and was cross with them for it, made them feel slighted or generally got so caught up in myself I made them feel bad. I would like to apologize to the dog for smacking the crap out of her for eating my stuff from work. I would like to apologize for ever using a racial epithet or degrading slow or retarded people. I would like to apologize to God for all those jokes I blasphemed her name in. I would also like to apologize to mother earth for not taking better care of my part of her.

So, now that I have cleared as much of my soul as I remember, I hope I can start feeling better about the weather, my daily life and such. If there was something I missed and it related to you, let me have it. God gave me big shoulders and I can take it. I have often thought of the phrases: You get what you give- and- what comes around, goes around. I have had a blessed life, with good family, good friends and good luck. The bad things that have happened have often felt like they were possibly derived from never having made amends for the little and big things I did over the years.

All of us have the so-called "skeletons in our closets" but it's how we have handled them that defines us. We've mostly all done things similar to what I did, we filed them away and sometimes, we try to forget them. I think somehow, those events that bug us, stick with us, affect our actions subconsciously. One misery leads to another, so to speak. I dont expect to miraculously be lifted from the drudgery of every day life, or to levitate above you all and emit a soft glow. I just wanted to feel a bit of the weight of the years drop away, maybe to unburden my soul for the next 40 or 50 years. I hope you guys have gotten the point of my little exercise today, maybe it doesnt apply to you. Maybe those of you with a grasp of your religion dont need this kind of "confession", I hear it's good for the soul, though.

Oh, I'd like to apologize to a certain Hardees store(not Kingwood) for what Dewey and I did to your bathroom. More specifically, the guy that had to clean it. My soul is much cleaner now. I feel better. I think I can handle the rest of winter and maybe the rest of my life without the burden of years resting on my shoulders.

Now its time to pile some more on, right? LOL Look out world, here comes Scott!