86 White Out

As I walked in the door, I was informed that school has been cancelled for P-county tomorrow. They, the mysterious they that we have bitched about so much this winter, have had the decency to cancel well in advance this time. Normally we have gotten last minute notices, cancellations on do-able days, school on horrid days or "they" send them to school and then send them home after lunch so they can count it as an instructional day. Whew. Now that I'm off my band wagon, let's get to the weather.

I asked about the snow I knew was supposed to be coming and if you ask three different people or watch three different channels, you'll get six different answers. The general consensus is we will get anywhere from six inches to seventeen feet of snow between now and saturday. It may or may not pass us with the bulk, but we will soon feel the wrath of the bastard son of "snowmageddon" that just passed us, dumping 3 feet of misery on PC and wreaking havoc on the East. So, as it looks, we will be enjoying our children's company for the rest of the week. Maybe until May.

This all brings me full circle, to the problem at hand: people that I have raved about time and again. People that have lived in PC for all or most of their lives. Honestly, if you've lived here even a few years, you should be used to the exteme weather we get. You native sons and daughters know: 2 inches in Morgantown means 6 or 8 in Kingwood and 10 or 12 in Terra Alta. If you drive and you have to drive THROUGH here on a regular basis, you should know what it's like here when the precipitation gods get pissed at us. Snow here is an animal. It lives, breathes and is unmerciful in its pursuit of the prey it desires. It hungers for domination and destruction while it yearns to stay free, moving about without thought for the other denizens of the land.

Those of us with a modicum of common sense know to drive slower if there's snow and/or ice on the road. Slow, but not too slow. Too slow, I am convinced, also causes problems. Little old men and ladies that are too lethargic or advanced in years, should not be on the roads in times of emergency.(snow). Call someone to take you to your appointments. If your body has atrophied to the point that you can no longer see over the steering wheel or you are statutorially deficient(short), maybe you should ask your relatives or neighbors for a little assistance. Screw pride, you are eventually going to cause an accident. We appreciate your age and the contributions that you have hopefully made to society over your vast lifetime, but we respectfully ask you to STAY THE HELL OFF THE ROADS! We're tired of following you.

Those of you that are too stupid to realize there's a difference between slick roads and dry pavement, you should probably be retested for your driver's license as well as your mental abililty. I think you're the worst. You drive your 43,000 dollar, 4 door, 4 wheel drive, long bed truck with the Calvin-pissing-on-the-other-brand sticker in the window at speeds that would make a Nascar nut proud. You frequently have to call someone on your cell phone, but its okay because the law doesnt apply to you. You have a truck/suv and your call is more important than the rest of us. You're too cool to have to obey stupid things like traffic laws, especially at the times that they're needed the most. I would like to say that you and the suv driving soccer moms that feel they are invincible in their vehicle and cant be bothered by other, stupid drivers trying to get home or to work safely, should be dragged out of your fancy vehicle, have your cell phone that you cant stay off of long enough to drive- shoved up your rear-end and be beaten until motionless with a baseball bat. There is no excuse for you people that feel traffic laws dont apply to you and road conditions are irrelevant.

I understand that when the roads are icy, it is very irritating to have to drive on them. It is tedious and is only compounded if you have to go any distance, not that short drives are much better. When people drive like they dont have any sense, it multiplies our frustration. How many times have you had a near-miss with some idiot careening around a turn or through an intersection? Makes you furious doesnt it?

I will offer no apologies: I usually hope for you to wreck unless I see you have a defenseless passenger. Teenagers are often just as guilty. I have seen them (usually a boy) in parking lots, doing doughnuts and spinning tires. I have no problem with this if it's an empty parking lot, as I've done it myself many times. The difference, I feel, is that I had enough sense NOT to do it when there were other people around that could be hurt. Again, I would really like to drag you out of your vehicle and smash your stupid head in with a brick or other such dent-causing object. I understand the need to have a little fun and let off some steam, but someone along the way should have taught your ignorant ass when to have fun and when to be responsible. You want to see retribution? Hit me and/or my family while you're acting stupid. Kathy Bates in Misery? Not even close.

I liked abandoned parking lots and back roads when I was learning to drive. Get a clue, save a life. It could be yours if you act stupid and I get ahold of you. You adults that are above the rest of us: If it wasnt for your wife/kids/husband, I would like to see if you can float with the ice that is floating down Cheat river.

As long as I live in this God-forsaken, yet beautiful country, I will never understand why people are either oblivious to the dangers that go with the beauty of this place, or just dont care. Some of you I think, didnt have enough brains to pay attention to whatever upbringing your parents tried to pass on to you, some of you are just too damned dumb. Maybe we should ALL have random testing, just to remind us of what we're SUPPOSED to be doing. If we had a bigger police presence in the county, maybe they could respond quicker to reports of erratic drivers. I do realize PC has a lot of roads. None of this makes it any less irritating for those of us just trying to get from point A to point B.

Just as an added incentive, maybe they should pass a law allowing us to ram erratic drivers off the road when they're obviously endangering others. I say " sacrifice a couple vehicles to save a thousand". It works for armies, why not drivers? It IS almost a contact sport or roving battle. Just remember that if you see me, there might be a ball bat and length of logging chain behind the seat, and there might not. Is that cell call really worth all that? Is your trip really that much more important than the rest of us? Hmm. Oh, before I go: Those of you that feel it is an absolute necessity to go to the bar when there is a state of emergency or even just icy roads, you're lucky. Facebook Friend and police officer Root says there's no law allowing them to shut down bars due to weather conditions. I think such a law would make sense , but then, how many of you ever get pulled over after you've had your drinks anyway? Maybe the icy, slick roads will just cancel out your drunk driving.

My frustration is apparent, yes. It's too bad that it's illegal to dole out retribution for idiots being idiots. Of course, that would open the door for lesser offenses like pudgy red-heads writing insane rants on everyday subjects, right?....