85 Snow Job

I sat here this morning, debating on what to do inside. Roz brought up the point that if we didnt shovel the foot and a half or so of snow that was already there, we'd have ANOTHER foot or so to shovel later on top of it. We suited up, went out, well, shoveled our way out the door(that almost wouldnt open) and spent 2 hours shoveling cars out and along the road. The city guys have no time for mercy, when they eventually get around to plowing, if we havent shoveled the "wedge" around the driveway, they WILL plow it shut.

The kids followed us out and we all took turns shovelling. We spent about equal amounts of time jumping in the snowdrifts and throwing snowballs as we did cleaning the driveway and the mailbox. I know, the mail probably wont run til next week, but it made me feel better. Anyway, since the kids are well on their way to being "grown up", it was really a special way to spend the morning. Many of you with older kids will appreciate and attest to this. This was one of the rare occasions that they actually wanted to spend time with the "old people". When they're little, they watch you with wide eyes and usually dote on everything you say and do. When they open the hormone valve, they usually spend as much time as possible avoiding contact with their embarrassments, I mean, parents.

So, today will go down in the Book of Scott as one of the better ones. We didnt spend any money and we had fun, nobody argued about girlfriends, homework or housework and I came in the house warmer than when I went out.

Love is a much abused word. You say it a lot with someone special, you say it a lot when your kids are little(they dont usually want to hear it when they hit puberty, at least boys dont) and you use it around your older relatives because, frankly, you know they're not going to be around forever.

Love is what you feel on days like today, even though(with the BOYS at least) I didnt need to say it. If you raised them right, they'll know it regardless, right? Women are bred with an insatiable need to hear it. From birth there is an incessant yearning in their bodies to want to hear those 3 harmless/harmful little words. Mothers, much as Roz, need to hear it from their kids at every opportunity and wives(most of you that I"VE seen) need to hear it every other sentence out of the husbands cake-hole. Not saying it like it is punctuation at the end of a sentence, to most of you, constitutes us not loving you anymore. I'm not sure why it has to be such a frequently used word. Possibly because you think if we're not constantly saying it, we MUST be saying it to someone else. Possibly because it's just part of the mothering instinct that you all have. You know, the "nesting" thing? Snug as a bug, safe and warm, raising a litter and feeling secure?

You do have the other part of the equation: people, generally jerk-weed guys, that will say "I love you" to a girl just to get what they want. Some people will say it just to placate you, some will say it because they dont really know what it means and they use it like we say "Have a nice day".

I would like to say, on behalf of most other husbands, if we dont say it often or (some of us) at all, it does NOT mean that we dont care about you. Guys generally get frustrated saying it all the time, they dont need constant reassurance that things havent changed. We are not ALL like rutting dogs, we do have the ability to maintain faithfulness, caring and love without verbal reassurance every five minutes and before and after leaving the house/area around you. If we're still with you and the kids, paying bills, maintaining things and not running around partying without you, then chances are we still love you and in the immediate future, we are not planning on leaving.

Your kids, particularly boys but not limited to, do not usually want to tell their Moms, let alone their Dads, that they love them. I know my soon-to-be-18 year old cares about us, though he gets frustrated with us so often. They want their own lives, their own rules by this time and the last thing they want is to acknowledge that we're still there. After all, they had to put up with us for almost 2 decades.

So, if you dont have any suspicions of your mate cheating or just not loving you anymore, try not to bug them too much. I know that most hated of all manufactured holidays is coming up, but dont put too much into it if he doesnt run out and buy you chocolates, jewelry, flowers, a new cadillac, a maid and a card. The damned cards are just tooooooo sappy. Dont make us pick those stupid, empty sentiments out. 750,000 women all over the country will get that exact same card and swoon, thinking "Oh my god, he still loves me, just look at that sentiment! It's all about me and him and how we still connect!" Seriously, if you have to have the card after we buy you all that other crap, there's something wrong with the relationship anyway.

This rant has started with a happy way to spend a day as a family and now it has degenerated to the point that I almost started another rant about idiotic manufactured holidays and now it's almost about spotting relationship problems. WHEW. I know, it's all connected, but I wanted to kinda touch on the whole--why we're-saying-I-love-you, not-saying-I-love-you thing.

For the record, Roz will NOT be receiving a new cadillac or a maid, although I will try to do more housework this week and next, and she will definitely NOT be getting more jewelery or candy. Flowers may be in the cards(pun intended) and of all things, I will NOT be buying a card. Wait, I cant lie. If she's reading this, I know I WILL be buying a card, so I suppose the greeting card industry wins this time. No empty sentiments just because of a holiday. She knows I still love her after 21 years, although I know she still wants to hear it. Every. Five. Minutes....