121 Appreciation, Affectation, Allocation

I suppose we're all entitled to a meltdown now and then. I've been having one over all this blogging business. It's such an odd feeling: loving something, but at the same time being disheartened by it. I've written 121 blogs on every subject imaginable and believe me, I still have a few left in me. I dont know why, but lately, I've felt like I was pounding my head against a wall. It's not about blame, it's just that I used to LOVE getting comments from all of you and lately, there's rarely a response. I know, a newspaper rarely has comments, at least that they print in the opinion section, but I still had this overwhelming sense of futility.

Without some feedback, I wasnt sure if A- you were reading the stuff and 2- you liked what I said or had another opinion. So, due to your recent comments, I will continue posting as the mood and the news strikes me.

It would be unfair to say that I blog for you. That is a partial truth. I blog(as some of you are soooooo aware, I post it enough) because it is cathartic for me. I get a sense of satisfaction, spewing my own personal brand of opinion on the news-flavor of the day. We covered such base subjects in the beginning: Margaret Thatcher's ass, Smurf-killing, Car choices. Lately, I seem to be more melancholy: war, taxes, death, war, politicians, big business.... I'm sure we'll revisit a lot of them as we go on, the choice is yours and mine together.

I frequently ask for opinions and the recurring theme from those of you who respond is usually family, namely kids and their problems and occasionally people being pissed off at some service or another. I DO like berating business and industry, pharma, politicians, deadbeat dads and deficient garbage men, but I'd really like to find some new material. That was part of the problem too: I felt stale, like I didnt have many fresh ideas. Not to worry, I think revisiting can have its benefits. I will definitely keep on with the current events section from the idiot news channels. We may have to do one on cultural diversity to make up for the mosque rant. I will stand by my opinions, but when I make a mistake, I am man enough to admit it, so PLEASE, let me know if you suspect that I havent gotten my point across well enough and DEFINITELY let me know if I have the facts wrong.

Believe it or not, I DO try to check my "facts" as presented by whatever source I've gotten them from. Confused yet? Not half as much as I am. I'm having trouble concentrating on this sentence, as Reebok has decided to show trim, young girls asses in various boy-shorts and bikinis, while NOT focusing on their shoes that they're trying to peddle. Wow. Kinda makes a guy hungry, you know? Anywhoo--

I'd like to make sure that you guys all know that I REALLY do appreciate your readership. Roz thinks it's all about the ego, but it's MORE than that. While one's ego must be stroked once in awhile, I found out rather quickly that when I write on a regular basis, my brain doesnt feel like it's ready for a meltdown. I USED to talk a lot, they say. I dont remember it. :0 I found that weaseling my way into a social gathering, injecting myself in the middle of a large group, telling old stories and giving views on current events, I could avoid a brain-over. That would be a hangover of useless, backed up info that caused pressure in my cerebro-spinal fluid and produced a burning, disorienting pain.

I discovered blogging through my "adopted" daughter, Rachel. She set up this very blog and after a couple test-firings on facebook notes, I was off and running. After a few postings, I felt the euphoria. I can honestly say, I've NEVER tried drugs, but this was as close as I can imagine. The stroked ego, lighter by leaps and bounds, was again powerful and youthful. Brain emptied on an almost daily basis, I found myself thinking harder and longer, not muddied, not confused by ketchup and catsup. Colors were clearer and brighter, sounds being heard with tones clearer and nuances detected as easily as a mother hearing her baby cry in the night....well, maybe I'm embellishing just a little, but I felt a joy from writing that hadnt been experienced for a long time. I wrote, pencil in hand, many years ago, but hadnt pursued it for quite a while. Dont think that I havent been happy, quite the contrary, I've had many wonders and joys over the years. This was just....different.

I suppose one would say this was the fulfillment of a calling. I say it is but one of many. It just happens that I like writing as much as I like talking. Most of us have joys that come in and out of our lives and though this is a big one for me, there are many others that I have yet to seek out, both with my family and within myself.

I will continue blogging, asking for requests and stirring the pot as long as you'll have me. Again, I cannot thank you enough, dear readers, for making one of MY dreams happen. I will never be an Ayn Raynd or even a Stephen King for that matter, but I would settle for being a lesser version of, say...John Stewart. Not Colbert, I think he's a pompous ass, full of himself in a way that overshadows the sarcastic humor he tries to bring. No, I would fancy that as I get older, I may even aspire to be a bit of Lewis Black or Dennis Miller. Wow, talk about ego....