118 Smokin In the Boyz Room

As Status-ville is about to start again, I mean, school, I feel I should say a few words about the things that most of us are feeling pain about right now...that and maybe a few other choice words.

Lets start with the obvious: school supplies. We used to buy into the notion that the kids had to have NEW everything. You had to have a new backpack, new writing stuff, new clothes and new shoes. NOW, we're of the mind, that if it's still ok, use it. We understand that small kids outgrow just about everything, seemingly, between the end of school one year and the start of the fall session.

With one child graduated, even though he's going to school in the fall, we basically have one left to buy for. We spent the summer scouring yard sales and flea markets and found a LOT of big-name, expensive clothes for pennies on the dollar. Mom traditionally let's them buy a pair of shoes that they want, so that takes care of a couple hundred bucks right there. If the backpack from last year isnt worn out, they use it. They have an aunt that buys them pencils, pens and paper, so we generally dont have to buy that stuff until mid-term. Why spend crazy amounts of money on clothes? I know, I dont have girls. Still, that's no excuse. Most of the ones that we know would be tickled to come across something cute and cheap at a yard sale or something and wouldnt mind at ALL if it's big-name, high-dollar stuff. Yes, there are a few picky ones who wont wear "used". That's the parents' fault. You spoiled 'em, you suffer with it or put your foot down.

Why spend money that most of the average population could use on other, frivolous things like electric, cable, heat, food or that holy-of-holies-that-no-one-can-live-without: cell phone bills? It's one thing to want your family to have nice things, it's quite another to have enough sense to live within your means.

There's another thing: if you cant afford it, dont give in. How dumb do you have to be? We've been fortunate enough to be able to give the boys phones and we have a pretty good plan, but I know some parents that really cant afford it, but they do it anyway. DUH. Anyone that would look down on you or your kids for not having something like that wasnt really much of a friend anyway. Common sense people!

So, now that we've outfitted the kiddies with all the stuff they need, we need to wonder what example we set for them. Oh. Right. Doesnt matter. They're all individuals and they get their life examples from the kids around them and the teachers. (mostly) So when they see people playing favorites and hanging in their little "cliques", they will be sure to carry it on into their adult lives. People playing favorites in class, clubs, sports and friendships: it just goes on and on and on. It never changes. How many times have you seen a kid get to participate in whatever and he/she really had no business being in the lead, being in charge or some such? Get mad at me if you want, it happens all the time. It happened when we were in school and it happens now.

Some talented children get shoved aside, literally and figuratively, over the years and their talent is either squandered or doesnt get utilized until they leave the area. I KNOW you have all seen it, many of us have been there. My leading example when talking among friends is usually the "kid whose parent(s) are so-and-so and why the heck is he/she the star/captain/whatever when "that kid" has much more talent? I'm trying to be vague so as not to totally piss off so-and-so, but I am CONFIDENT that you've all experienced this either in your high school life or your kids.

So, they learn that good looks, the right pocketbook and the right friends will usually get you farther than talent and hard work. Yes, maybe I'm exaggerating the ratio a bit, but it's just to drive home the point.

There's always hope. They will someday face the real world of bills, bills, bills and more bills, kids, bosses and deciding between catsup and ketchup. They will look back and wonder "what was I thinking?". For some, it will be too late, others will succeed. That's just the way of the world. I REALLY, REALLY hate that phrase. I usually find a way to make the world fit me, not the other way around. I despise the attitude that we cant change it, so why fight it.

You have to walk a fine line when taking a child to task. On one hand, a little bit of positive attitude will help them along through life, but on the other, they may wind up being that rude child that you'd like to punch in the face. You know the one: they speak to their parents in public in ways that would have gotten my teeth knocked out, or they become vindictive little bitches that cause some mousey, introverted girl's life to be a living hell. Worse, they become the slacker, backwards-hat-wearing punk that will have about as much use in society as a beta tape player. You decide what you want: well-rounded with a little humility or pants-around-the-knees, cigarrette-in-their-mouth little punk that I'd like to hit in the face with a shovel.

The vast majority of you have raised wonderful children and should all be commended. Those of you that we know have great kids that know right from wrong and have some compassion for their fellow man. I dont mean to make the future sound so bleak for the kids, but even one instance of these behaviours drives me up the wall. I know the world's not perfect, but it could be a pretty decent place to live if we'd start with kids learning better habits, not allowing them free reign because you dont feel like dealing with it.

So, let's just clarify this before I go: I did NOT give you permission to back-hand every smart-mouthed punk you see. You CAN, however, bitch slap their parents if they've become lazy and complacent in their child-rearing and truly deserve it. On second thought, maybe the little punks need back-handed too. Nah, better not, it's not worth going to jail over. Just remind them where they're headed and that you know what their PARENTS did when THEY were in high school. That might backfire a little if YOU werent on your A-game, but it might make you feel a little better. It feels like a no-win situation and it probably is. That doesnt mean we have to abide by it.

Talking to parents leads to the I'm-wrong-but-I'm-going-to-be-loud-and-defensive stance or outright physical violence. Ostracizing the child will just reinforce a negative and they dont need that. They need a wake up call that doesnt involve drugs, booze, an unexpected child or a much-deserved ass beating. Oh wait, that comes from good parenting, doesnt it? Sorry junior, you're out of luck. Mom and Dad dont intrude in your life by asking who, what, when, where and how every time they see you. (trust me, Roz does it enough for both of us and I'm sure many of you readers do as well).

Whether you're willing to admit it or not, if your child act like a priveledged, spoiled little brat, you should look to yourself for answers. Dont blame everyone else, YOU did it(more often than not) and YOU have to find a way into their hearts and minds to ensure they dont go through life causing misery and mayhem.

As for the favoritism that is found in so many aspects of high school, stop it. Currying favor with the rich parents by putting their child first? For shame. You have given in to your baser emotions. Let's clarify one more time: I'm not talking about a child with real talent. I'm talking about the kids that get preference when they dont have enough talent to fry eggs, yet there they are, playing in a position of importance in a sport or getting some perk of a club or class. Any child with talent in ANY area should be encouraged to use it.

If you catch one of my boys behaving inappropriately, let me or Roz know. Then I'LL let THEM know. We have tried to tell them to play/study their hardest and offer a hand to those who are down. NONE of us do this ALL the time, but we know we SHOULD. Is it really too hard for all parents to show this to their kids? How about showing it to other kids that dont have a caring family member/friend? You can instill something great in a child not your own, through tact and genuinely caring attitudes. You dont have to be specific, just give helpful hints, be brief, make yourself available if they need it and above all, be genuine. You'd be surprised what five minutes would do for a kid that only knows directing anger and frustration through "lesser" means.

OH, this doesnt give you permission to punch certain parents/teachers/coaches in the mouth, but if you DO, call me in enough time for me to get there so I can watch...