109 You're a Trip

The time is fast approaching for the "Ol DeWitt Family Vacation." As per tradition, it will be planned well in advance, with the major details to be changed at the last minute. There will also be much stress, pain and lamenting.

This year will be the first year that we havent had a friend of the boys tag along or that we havent gone to a friend or relative's place while we're "relaxing". Dont get me wrong, usually it's nice to have or see a familiar face. This is also the first year that we wont have both boys with us. Nathan graduates in a week and he has a summer job that requires him to be here every day. It's kinda sad in that respect, I guess. It feels like the end of an era. In a few years, he'll probably have a family of his own and I hope we take some vacations with them, but for now, it's down to Roz, Nick and me.

Back to the fun stuff: usually our vacations turn into a monument to trial and pain. For example: the first year we visited our old friends Tim and Judy, we walked in the door, Nathan runs to the bathroom and promptly clogs the toilet. It overflowed everywhere and Judy was quite gracious(although she probably was ready to strangle him) and cleaned it up. I laughed, albeit nervously. We took the boys to Virginia Beach one year and wound up staying in a Super8 motel for a night. There was a conspicuous hole in the ceiling above the bed and one over the bathtub. The pool looked less swimable than the ocean and I'm not fond of the ocean. At least not the nasty, east coast, dirty, sticky kind. Point me towards clear, tropical waters and we're in business.

About 5 years ago, we packed up the four of us and 3 friends into the old family truckster, I mean the caravan, hitched up the 18 foot trailer and loaded both of them down to the point we couldnt drive more than 55 mph. No, really, it swayed waayyyy to much. I know. I shoulda done this or shoulda done that, but at the time, my patience was already wearing thin, so we took of with seven people in a dodge caravan, an 18 foot trailer and enough clothes, food and accessories for seven people. As we went through the Chesapeake tunnels, people were honking and waving at us, all the way through. We thought" Wow, everybody loves vacationing!" As we exited the tunnel and made our way down the street where our relative lived, we rolled down the windows and heard a loud scraping noise. I stopped , walked around and just about lost it when I saw that the propane tanks on the camper had come loose and were dragging by the hoses. They had nice worn spots on them, nice and shiny. Nice, friendly people, waving us on. Typical DeWitt vacation.

If we go to a lake, it storms, thunder and lighting. If we go to the beach, a hurricane rolls through. We have our share of fun and truthfully, the other stuff that happens, just makes it more interesting. We have learned from mistakes and we've learned what makes for a great time. I'm confident that even after the kids are grown and gone and we take an occasional trip for two, there will still be stuff that happens.

There are times that I wonder if anyone really has a "perfect" vacation. What is "perfect"? Romance, scenery and relaxation? Kids playing in an unfamiliar place and making new friends? Different foods and a different room to sleep in? Could it be that a true vacation HAS to hold trials and tribulations?

Not that i'm terribly cynical, but I've experienced many things over the years that, if too perfect, were often boring after a short burst of enjoyment. I'm not much for order, being that repitition and enjoyment taken in too big a dose tend to(quite frankly) bore me. I like a little chaos. Change and chaos are interesting. I'm not the type to sit behind a desk or stand on an assembly line for year after year and actually be able to do the job and not go postal. I like to experience too many things, I suppose. If I can experience something and at least partially master it, I'm happy. Like a crow, the next bright, shiny thing catches my eye and I want to experience it, to enjoy it.

So, here we are, talking vacation. This year, we're going to go rent a cabin near Chesapeake Bay and do some fishing in the Potomac and the Shenandoah(sp?) rivers and throw some crab pots in the bay. I've never been crabbing unless you count going to the docks and buying a bushel. It ought to be interesting, I suppose I could at least fall in and get bitten by a shark or maybe a horshoe crab will pinch me or something. Maybe climate change(global warmings a myth, global warmings a myth, global warmings a myth) will accelerate and we can experience the flood of the millenium. OOOOh, maybe the Russians will invade after a massive E.M.P. and I'll have to fight my way back to WV while trying to figure out how to kill the traitorous general that's responsible for the new world war...wait, that's my Modern Warfare on Xbox. Anyway, I hope that this year proves as interesting as the previous vacations. A little anarchy is good for everybody, but why is it always centered directly over the spot chosen by the DeWitt family?

Well, like I said earlier, different is often interesting. That's not to say that in a few more years, sans kids, a nice, tropical vacation wouldnt be welcome. Laying in a lounge chair, sipping fruity alcholic beverages and watching the sun rise and set sounds okay for once. Maybe a dip in water so clear it makes your fishtank look sick. (well, ours looks like a farm pond right now) Scuba, snorkel, wind surf or paddle boat? How about people watching? You know, fun, sun bikinis that have less material than an eye patch? Yeah. That's about right. On second thought, maybe a cruise? Nah. Too many people getting sick on cruises. I think tropical sounds good, that is, as long as we havent invaded any tropical countries because of "cheap" oil, I mean trying to prevent tyranny. Yeah, tropical breezes, endless days and nights and alcohol. How old's Nick, anyway? Right. 4 more years, then it's time for some Mommy-Daddy vacations. Oh, if I play my cards right, maybe we can sneak one in before that. What's that? No self-respecting parent would go on vacation without their kid? Maybe. Does post traumatic stress from years of dealing with 2 teenagers give me a valid reason? We'll see.

One more thing: I read that the Chesapeake bay blue crabs are making a bit of a comeback. Hopefully I'll figure out how to pull a few dozen out and salvage the impending disaster that is the DeWitt Vacation. I always hear that stupid song and picture myself as driving the wood panel station wagon, winking at Christie Brinkley as she drives by and chanting to myself: "This is crazy! This is crazy! This is crazy!"